did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
