Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
