Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
