Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
