he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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