Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
