I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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