I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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