Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
