dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have peed in a lot of sinks
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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