I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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