I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
