I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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