I just saw a hot homeless man
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
