I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
