Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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