He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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