making cat noises will not fix the situation.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
