Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
