We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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