I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
