But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
