Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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