dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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