I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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