In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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