I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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