There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
