What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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