i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
