yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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