The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
this is an emotional support booty call
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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