i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it was like eating out sand paper
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
