The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
