If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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