Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
