Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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