i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
