I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
