I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
