woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
