He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
