I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
