this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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