That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I cut my penus on the lid.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
