I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
