My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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