there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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