I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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