if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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