dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
