so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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