I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
