i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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