Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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